Signs of an Abusive Relationship: Knowledge Every Woman Needs

What are the signs of an abusive relationship? Has a wonderful relationship suddenly seemed to sour? How can you tell if you’re at risk of being abused? If you want to prevent yourself from becoming one of the millions of women who are verbally, emotionally, and physically abused every day, then there are certain signs you should watch for.

Excessive Control

It used to be common for men to control women in relationships. Fortunately, modern people have learned that women have the same rights men do, and that no person has the right to control what another person thinks or says. One of the first signs of an abusive relationship is tight control.

If you feel like you’re being prevented from seeing friends and family, and if your husband or boyfriend acts jealous and possessive about your personal relationships, you’re being isolated and controlled. This is a very harmful form of emotional abuse, and it often becomes worse over time.
If you have to account for every penny you spend, and your spouse is asking you to do so unreasonably or denying you the ability to shop for things you need, you’re possibly being financially controlled. An agreed upon budget is one thing – but financial control is one of the signs of an abusive relationship in the making.

Anger and Blame

Additional signs of an abusive relationship are unreasonable anger, and constant blame. If your husband or boyfriend tends to become irrationally angry with you, especially over things that are completely out of your control, you’re at risk. If he blames you for things that don’t go as planned, then you need to understand that your situation could become a lot worse very quickly and easily.

An explosive temper is not normal. People who love each other are kind and forgiving. They treat each other as good friends, and they have respect for boundaries. If anger and blame are poisoning your relationship, you’ve got to do something about it.

Threats

Threats of physical violence are certain signs of an abusive relationship. People form relationships for safety and companionship. If your husband or boyfriend threatens to hit you, your kids or pets, or if he threatens to damage your possessions, it’s time to take steps to stop him.

Physical Violence

Any form of physical violence or physical manifestation of anger are signs of an abusive relationship. If your husband or boyfriend breaks things, punches things, abuses animals, or abuses you, then find a way out.

How to Stop an Abusive Relationship

Living in an abusive relationship is difficult and painful. All the signs of an abusive relationship are filled with negativity and hatred. Although abusers often feel terrible for the things they do, and even though they are often driven by a lifetime of abusive patterns, they have no right to abuse other people or animals.

Get help right away – be sure you and other family members, including pets, are safe from an angry abuser. Seek marriage counseling – a good place to start is with online marriage counseling, especially since it is often quicker and easier to find someone to talk to right away. Deciding if your relationship is worth saving can be hard, but a therapist is trained to help you cut through the muddy waters of emotional upset and make a rational decision that will help you to make the most of your future and regain happiness in your life.

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This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Tina_L._Jones

Empowering and dis-empowering relationships in life

Relationships are important in life and the world is made up of different types of relationships and the two types of relationships I want to focus on are the dis – empowering and empowering types of relationships and the people in them.

Keep in mind the most important relationship we have in life is the relationship that we have with ourself, and if you can see yourself in any of the dis – empowering types of people remember to work on yourself rather than the other person as the only person we can change is ourselves in relationships.

I am in the process of moving away from pain – filled abusive and violent relationships and moving toward empowering, loving, respectful and fulfilling relationships in life and yes I am beginning with the relationship that I have with myself. I have found that it takes guts, courage and the ability to handle loneliness (though if you have fun with yourself you can never be lonely) to move from the known (abuse and violent relationships) to the unknown (empowering, healthy and loving relationships) but if I can do it after a lifetime of abuse and violence then so can you 🙂

•Dis-empowering relationships
keep you in a state of fear
cause to to feel scared
cause you to feel panicked
cause you to feel afraid
cause you to doubt yourself
cause you to feel terrified
cause you to the experience of walking on eggshells
cause you to feel unsettled
cause you to feel unsafe
cause you to feel ignored
cause you to feel unimportant
cause you to feel that you do not matter
cause you to feel less than your best self
cause you to live in a state of uncertainty
cause you to feel pressured
cause you to feel stressed
cause you to feel wrong about who you are as a person
cause you to hide who you are as a person
cause you to feel afraid to be yourself
cause you to feel judged and criticised for being who you are
cause you to block your feelings
cause you to hide your thoughts, perceptions, values and beliefs
cause you to feel not good enough
cause you to feel that you are not a good person

•Dis-empowering people
use guilt to manipulate
yell at you
scream at you
unable to handle stress and anger in healthy ways
easily angered and stressed and take it out on you
irritable
anxious
worriers
gossip
spread rumors
insecure about themselves
do not like, love, approve, accept, respect or value themselves
interfere in your life
unhappy with themselves and their lives
negative attitude
pessimistic outlook on life
jealous
possessive
rigid/inflexible boundaries
check up on you
name calling
put you down
threaten you
isolate you from family and friends
blame, complain, whinge, bitch and moan
control you
use intimidation to get their way
criticize
show up late to important functions or do not show up at all
rights are violated
emotionally closed or stunted
immature
irresponsible
instability in life
Empowering relationships
cause you to feel safe
cause you to feel respected
cause you to feel liked, loved, approved of and accepted and respected
cause you to feel important and that you matter to them
cause you to feel happy
cause you to feel free to be yourself
cause you to settled
cause you to feel calm
cause you feel your feelings
cause you to share all your thoughts, feelings, troubles, concerns or struggles in life
cause you feel relaxed
cause you to feel at ease

•Empowering people
like, love, approve, accept, respect and value themselves
are happy with themselves and their lives
have a positive attitude towards life and people
have an optimistic outlook in life
are problem solvers
are solution orientated
love and like you
affirm you
support you
encourage you
welcome you because they are warm and friendly
listen to you
believe in you
validate you
think you are wonderful
loyal
trusting
you feel safe in their presence
you feel free to be yourself in their presence
they are assertive
they use clear, direct and open communication
they have clear and strong boundaries
they are confident
they are responsible
they treat you how they love to be treated
they put themselves first in their lives
they make themselves a priority in their lives
they are respectful
they are courteous
have a clear and strong purpose in their lives
are successful in life
love what they do in life
surround themselves with like minded people
love life
happy with their success in life and happy with yours as well
fun to be around
emotionally open and available
integrity
mature
ability to share and express feelings
stability in life
show appreciation for all the good you bring into the relationships
laugh together often
We have a choice on who we share our lives with in life even though it may not seem like it at the time, we really do. We have a choice of whether we want to be in a healthy, loving, respectful and kind relationship or a dis – empowering relationship. After writing the list out on dis – empowering relationships and seeing the behaviors in black and white made me feel sad and ashamed that I had chosen to share my life with people who had no regard to themselves or for me and now I would rather be alone than to surround myself with people who are dis – empowering and I hope that you make that decision for yourself too. Life is too short and too precious to waste time on relationships that are hurting us and causing us pain. Make the decision today to walk away from dis – empowering relationships and make a break for freedom toward empowering people and relationships.

Change yourself from the inside out by loving yourself unconditionally and attracting the best people to your best self in life. Start today to be the best you you can be and soon all you will attract into your life and the right types of people and learn to say no to dis – empowering relationships in life.

Relationships in life

Relationships are important to us in life. We have different types of relationships in our life from our most intimate to casual acquaintances. Our relationships are our buffer against the realties of life. They shield us in the rough storms of life. They celebrate our achievements with us. They are a shoulder to cry on. They come with much needed hugs and a smile when things have not gone the way we planned. They are great to be in when life seems tough or going really well.

Take a moment and have a think about the people that you surround yourself with in life. Ask yourself, why are they in my life?

 Boredom?
 No one else in your life?
 Been friends or had as a partner for a lot of years?
 Lonely?
 Laziness – do not want to make new friends?
 You are in your comfort zone – know what to expect or better the devil you know attitude?
 Do not feel good enough to be around the people you know are good for you in life?
 Love them?
 They treat you exceptionally well?
 You have lots in common?
 You trust one another and share everything?
 You respect one another?

There are lots of reasons why we stay in relationships that hurt us, bore us and comfort us in unhealthy ways.

If you are in the habit of attracting abusive people into your life, maybe it is time to have a look at the people in your life and ask yourself, why are they in your life? As hard as it may seem you do have a choice and a say in the matter of who you share your life with, even if you have been around the same types of people all your life, you can change who you surround yourself with, starting from today.

A checklist of charateristics to stay away from when creating new relationships in life;
 angry people
 mean
 nasty
 spiteful
 unable to express anger in healthy ways – volatile
 unable to handle stress in healthy ways
 gossips
 people who interfere in your life – all areas from accommodation to partners and children
 people who do not like you but tolerate you
 people who are jealous of you
 people who complain
 people who whinge
 people who moan and groan about life
 people with negative attitudes
 people who spread rumours
 people who are competitive in unhealthy ways
 people who pretend to like for ulterior motives
 people who stir up trouble
 people who boss you around
 people who forces you to do things you do not want to do
 people who want your obedience not friendship
 people who turn on you for no reason
 people who will leave you stranded and take your belongings
 people who are unreasonable and are not willing to resolve the issue in a respectful and considerate manner
 people who are out of control
 people who are moody
 people who take over
 people who are distrustful
 people who do things they do not want to do
 people who start fights
 people who play one against the other
 people who verbally attack you
 people who emotional manipulate you
 people who threaten you
 people who use intimidation to get their way in life
 people who are highly emotional – let their emotions control themselves people who are reactive
 people who are controlling
 people who humiliate you for fun
 people who embarrass you in front of others
 people who tell others your innermost thoughts, opinions or life experiences
 people who are irritated easily
 people who say hurtful things to you for their own ends
 people who are argumentative
 people who are irresponsible – drink drive, take drugs, break the law
 people who are financially irresponsible
 people who are needy and clingy
 people who are immature
 people who are users

People on list have low self esteem, low self worth and low self image about who they are and end up taking it out on you to further enhance their lack of self esteem, self worth and self image.

The best thing that you can do is to love yourself unconditionally and not try to fix yourself in order to please other people or to change yourself in order to fit in with other people but to be your best self and continue to raise your own self esteem, self worth and self image.

Our relationships reflect the relationship that we have with ourselves and if there is a part of ourselves that we do not like then this will be manifested through your interactions with others in your life. As the most important relationship we have with anyone in the world is the one we have we ourselves and if the relationship that we have with ourselves is healthy, loving, accepting, kind, nurturing, respectful and affirming then our relationships with others will reflect the love that we have for ourselves.

A checklist for your future friends;

 I like them
 they like me
 I enjoy their company
 they enjoy my company
 I respect them and what they do
 they respect me and what I do
 we work thing’s out together
 it is a healthy two-way relationship
 people who have healthy self esteem
 people who have healthy self image
 people who have healthy self worth
 people who love, approve and accept themselves and others
 people who are living out their purpose
 communication is easy, direct, and forthright and you always know where you stand with them, as they are honest, genuine and respectful.
 people provide emotional support
 people who provide mental stimulation
 you are intrigued and interested in them – you want to know more about them and when you are together your time flows easily and effortlessly
 people who can handle stress and express anger in healthy ways
 people who are positive and optimistic attitude towards people and life
 people who respond to life, other people and situations in life rather than a knee jerk reaction
 people who are responsible in life
 people who are happy to see you
 people who keep your confidences
 people who are reliable
 people who are problem solvers
 people who are trustworthy
 people who are generous with their time, money and praise
 you feel proud that they are your friend and they do about you
 they are happy for your success
 you are happy for their success
 you both lend a shoulder to cry on
 both maintain contact with another
 people who listen to you
 people who accept you as you are
 people who approve of you
 people who are kind
 people who you can be your best self with
 people who cheer you on to greater success
 people who support and encourage you
 people who raise you up to greater heights in life
 people who stretch your comfort zone to be the best that you can be
 people who you feel good around
 people who are dependable

Take the time today to become clear on why the people you surround yourself are in your life, and ask yourself are they a reflection of my best self or are they a reflection of the areas I need to work on in life?

When you take the time to get clear on the type of people you want to surround yourself with and the type of relationship that you want to experience in life, you are more likely to experience the relationships that you want in your life and surround yourself with people who match your best self.